A Beat Gone Missing

1/1/2013 ~ #1

My life is out of step. Cadences flit through my head.  Some are distant memories; some, fragments of former hopes; some, memories bubbling up from the past; some, shards of broken dreams. Too often, the cadence resembles only painful throbbing as I am crushed by the interminable tasks of a mundane life.

I need to make that slight skip and put myself back in step. But first, I must find my cadence.

Cadence ….

The rhythmic flow of sounds or words.

Cadence ….

The beat of any rhythmic movement.

Cadence…

The flow or rhythm of life and experience.

Early in my life as a budding writer, the word cadence was clear to me.  It was the beat laid down by the drumline in my high school’s powerhouse marching band. Loud.  Sure. Defining.  It was the direction of strong leadership.  It was the promise of tomorrow. It was also the desire to leave, to move on.  It was made strong by the need to take flight.

Strong cadences kept me moving forward … out of school … into adulthood.

Those strong cadences, however, faded away, replaced by the ever-changing yet stiflingly similar patterns of life. College, career, marriage, kids, church, after-school activities, volunteer work, accidents, economic downturns … the conflicting melodies of life… all beating a tattoo. Together, they were marching me forward at light speed while simultaneously grinding me down at a snail’s pace.

Word’s were always the instrument that propelled me forward. They were my personal rhythm, and I used them for years within a world that moved with its own strong two- and four-beat gaits. Then… the tempo of my life faltered, changed direction, stopped.  Still, the rhythms of that world call to me.  But with forced distance, I can now hear a different, albeit distant, drum.  In fact, I hear several.

What cadence will propel me forward?  Will I continue to move in repeated step, taking direction from nothing more than an old, wrinkled, faded and out of date chart?  Or, will an entirely different rhythm set me on a new course?

I’m out of step. But, I know it now.  I feel that little skip starting to break through.  Will there be an about face or a flank?  Where will the steps lead?

The only thing I know for sure: words will be the cadence that smooths whatever move I make.