Laying Down Important Countermelodies

"All you have to do is decide what to do with the time that is given to you."

  ~ Gandalf in "The Fellowship of the Ring"

Clearly, I need to work on that.  Or, do I?

Earlier this year, I made a commitment to do more writing for myself.  Not the kind I get paid for necessarily. Although, more of that would be nice, too.  I had planned to write as a way to stretch my skills, keep myself focused and remind myself of my goals and plans.  Perhaps I might create some pieces along they way that would serve to inspire, at least myself if not others.

Yet, my last post here was more than 11 weeks ago.  Have I fallen prey to that very problem I wanted this blog to help me avoid?  I’m not sure what to call that problem.  Complacency?  Sloth?

If there is an underlying issue that held my writing here back, it’s probably rooted in more fear than I care to admit.  Fear that no one will read. Fear that I have nothing to say.  Fear that I’m not good enough.  Clearly, I need to address those fears.

Still, I don’t know that the last 11 weeks have been time wasted. I’ve actually committed some of my time to other important aspects of self-care.  I am seeing solid results related to those goals.  I know these efforts will ultimately support the professional writing and involvement goals I made for 2013.

So, maybe I haven’t missed Gandalf’s point at all.  Maybe the point was that it was finally time to decide to commit MY time to myself and MY priorities.  This has been a year of deciding to make myself a priority. While I’ve not written here for 11 weeks, I have done other professional writing and made notable strides in improving other areas of myself.   It’s funny that those efforts are now leading me back to my original writing goals. 

Perhaps, what Gandalf didn’t say was that deciding what to do with your time might actually be a process.  It does feel a bit like an unknown journey when you’ve spent many, many years letting others dictate what you should do with your own time.

Maybe what I’ve been doing for the last 11 weeks is laying down some nice back beat or counter melody that will ultimately let me better share the cadence that is in my head.   

Only time will tell.  I better get on making some decisions about what to do with that time.