Sweet 16th

When K. came in to our lives bright and early the morning of June 22nd back in 1999, one of the first feelings was simply thankfulness. But I wasn't just thankful for what most new parents are - health baby, 10 fingers, etc. Instead, I was thankful she was a girl so maybe... just maybe... I'd have someone who would go with me to do the things her dad didn't enjoy: horse shows, musicals, drum corps.

 

K. probably doesn't remember, but I tried to convince her to love drum corps when she was still a preschooler. I'd take her to watch evening ensemble run-throughs when she was 4 or 5 and the Madison Scouts were in town. They practiced at what was then the high school and evening run throughs were free.

K was much interested then. Something must have stuck though because Madison would be the corps she loved best the first year she actually began enjoying drum corps.

Although she wasn't interested at all when I tried to introduce her to drum corps back 12 years ago, something caught my eye at a souvenir stand as I came out of a stadium one night by myself after a local competition. It was a light-weight, kid-sized flag. I bought it.  K spent a bit of time being what she called a "flag runner" but then that flag spent a lot more time getting "planted" at the tops of "mountains" around here than it did getting spun or tossed to music. Poor ol' flag has had a hard life (see the photo above). 

But, maybe those trips to watch practice and that flag planted a seed that rooted and simply needed time to grow.

In elementary school, K had no interest in learning an instrument or taking lessons.  In 2010, she was NOT interested in joining middle school band.  Fortunately, many of her friends were all joining so she had a change of heart. As late as 2012 she didn't think she'd go on to join band in high school, because ... get this ... she didn't want to MARCH.

In December 2012, she attended a memorial for a beloved high school band director in another town. She heard touching stories from two strong decades of marching band history. She saw dozens of trophies put on display one last time before they were tossed in the dumpster. K couldn't believe that so many middle aged adults filled a gym just to reminisce about marching band.  I wouldn't fully understand until later that this one event actually made a difference in her thoughts about band and essentially changed her life.

We aren't spending the day with our daughter who turns 16 today. There is no over-the-top sweet 16th party like you see on TV. In fact, there's no party at all. There is no driver's license in her immediate future because she isn't even in town.  There's not likely even her own car any time soon. Why?  Her money (and some of ours, as well as some from generous friends and family, even) go somewhere else today.

Today, she is marching. K will spend seven & a half hours working with 84 other kids perfecting a show that only fits well on a football field. It's a show those kids will continue perfecting 'til the beginning of August. Tonight, she'll sleep once again on the concrete floor of the Armory in another town in another state.

Why?

Because ... at some point in time, the kid who didn't want to march fell in love with it enough to pursue it at the highest levels, despite her own physical limitations. Not only did she come to love playing her instrument, she realized she loved marching. And, then, she realized she could march AND perform at the same time by joining color guard.

Perhaps that sad flag served more of a purpose that I thought.  That sad flag still lives in our back entry way. We are not allowed to throw it away.

Who knew it was a portent of things to come? Although they aren't the same volunteers who will feed my kid today and stay with her at the Armory tonight, it was volunteers from the very same organization she marches with who made & sold that flag 12 years ago.

Turns out ...they knew what they were doing.

Who needs a birthday party when you can spend your birthday pursuing your dreams?

Cool Kids Don't Need Someone Else to Establish a Beat

Nothing like a big controversy offering up mean-spirited sound bytes from a vilified CEO to remind more than half of us in the mid-life adult population just why we hated middle school or junior high.

First, let me say, I believe in capitalism.  I don’t think that any company should be forced to produce or offer any goods outside of its plan, beyond its wheelhouse or that it can’t sell to its target market.  A good company knows its audience.

With that said though, clearly there are some people just so insanely insensitive that they shouldn’t go out in public, let alone run those companies like that.

You could be living under a rock if you’ve missed the flap over a certain mall-based clothing store (which means you probably aren’t reading this blog either).  For reasons that escape me, some fairly older, ridiculously insensitive comments by this chain’s CEO are currently causing a stir.  These aren’t new comments, but they are certainly making news right now.

What did this opinionated leader allegedly say to a magazine a few years back? (Note, I am not printing his name or that of the publication. Frankly, I don’t need to give them any free promotion.)

"In every school there are the cool and popular kids, and then there are the not-so-cool kids," Mr. So & So supposedly told such & such magazine.  "Candidly, we go after the cool kids. We go after the attractive all-American kid with a great attitude and a lot of friends. A lot of people don't belong [in our clothes], and they can't belong. Are we exclusionary? Absolutely."

Who knows whether this was taken out of context? Regardless of the context, the reason any CEO would spout such rhetoric doesn’t actually escape me at all.  Hello … Marketing 101.  How much free publicity has X Brand store received in the last 10 days?   Boo-ya! Or maybe, Cha-ching… straight from the cash register.

This company has a defined market.   That market is made up of people of a certain size. That market is made up of young people.   Those things are no real surprise.  Most successful retailers do have their own demographics.  Lane Bryant sells clothing for plus-sized women.  Men’s Warehouse isn’t exactly selling clothes for 3 yr. old ballerinas.

But you don’t hear the bigwigs at Men’s Warehouse belittling female toddlers for not being the right size, shape or gender to wear their clothes.  Or, Lane Bryant execs saying rude things about skinny 20 year-old men, which is why I don’t mind the names of these stores here at all.  Not all companies need leaders blathering on to promote their products.  Instead they have other well-reasoned marketing plans.

THAT is the difference and the REAL story here.

The market for the store in the controversy undoubtedly contains a fair number of impressionable parrots who will take the attitude of the poorly spoken CEO to heart. After all, that is exactly how 7^th grade bullies … I mean popular kids… roll.  And, those kids just usually steam roll right through high school and into college.  Who doesn’t remember those “cool kids” from middle school?  We all experienced them. (Well, if you didn’t, that means you were probably one of them.) And, most of us didn’t like them all that well. And, frankly, many of us wouldn’t trade places with many of those kids as today’s grown-ups, even if they were “all that” back in the day.

Which is why we’re raising our daughters to walk the middle ground.  These girls frankly have already defined themselves as “cool.”  Actually, I think my soon-to-be-freshman girl prefers to say, “’Cuz I’m just awesome like that.”

These girls have a bevy of friends. And, I’m proud to say that these friends come from all walks of life.  My children are comfortable speaking to adults and will not ignore adults as some in the current popular ranks of junior high students are wont to do.  I’m not sure how it happened, but these girls are comfortable in their own skin.  Our pastor recently complimented our 14 year old’s poise and presence.  She called our daughter a good kid.  And, she saluted us as parents for raising her that way. Shhh … don’t tell Pastor Janet, but I don’t know how much of K’s ability to impress adults has anything to do with us.  I think we just happened to win the parent lottery.

These girls are bright and droll and can be wicked funny.  They have kick-ass attitudes … well … most of the time. Let’s face it, they are 11 and 14, and all kids that age, especially girls, have crappy attitudes some times. It comes with the territory. 

Know what kids with good heads on their shoulders call the people in Mr. CEO’s preferred market?  “Perps.”  Yep, short for perpetrators.  Not everyone thinks the popular kids are all that.  Apparently, not every middle school girl aspires to be the kind of person in Mr. CEO’s preferred market, even if they are the right size.

How cool is that?

Here’s some of what my girls have had to say about Mr. So & So:

-“Man, that dude’s old.”

-“Has he looked in a mirror lately? ‘Cuz he kinda scares me.”

-“That’s not a cool thing to say.”

But, the best is this comment from my 14 year old,   “There’s a reason I like Hollister, Aeropostale and Charlotte Russe better.”

Are you paying attention Mr. So & So?

Cool is in the eye of the beholder.  And you clearly don’t pass the test among some of the coolest kids I know.  Remember, pretty soon, your currently cool shopping demographic will get older, put on weight and become middle aged. Then, they won’t be suitable customers for your chain’s “cool” products. 

Let’s hope Marketing 101 doesn’t come back to bite you in the ass.  You might gain some sales now but don’t count on kids like mine to be your customers in 10 years. 

Frankly, they are smarter than that, which is the ultimate in cool.  ‘Cuz they are just awesome like that.